Maybe your life has changed. Either suddenly or after a long agonizing struggle, you realize you’re in a different place from where you’d ever thought you’d be. Maybe you pictured the perfect little house with the white picket fence. Maybe you thought you’d have a couple of nearly perfect children you stayed home to raise. Maybe you thought you’d have a successful career your family would be proud of. Maybe you pictured a loving husband you greeted at the end of each day. Maybe you pictured laid back Saturday mornings, adventurous family vacations, and laughing with your husband after the children were tucked in bed over the silly things they did that day.
Maybe you’re no longer part of a team and your “we” has become “me.”
Maybe your heart is with your kids all the time but you see them only part time. Maybe you left the house in a rush to get to work this morning. Maybe last night’s dishes are still in the sink, the kids didn’t brush their teeth, and the last thing you did as you pushed them out the door was yell at them for something they didn’t deserve to be yelled at for.
Maybe your old dreams seem like someone else’s distant memories, someone who doesn’t have the life you do now.
Missing those idealized, shattered dreams is normal when life changes so drastically, but normal isn’t always good. Normal may have landed you where you are now. Normal is what will keep friends in similar situations stuck in anger, unforgiveness, bitterness, and despair.
Normal doesn’t have to be you. You weren’t created to be normal. You were created to be Loving and Joyful, Beautiful and Strong! To be who you were created to be, stop focusing on what you lost, and shift your focus to building new dreams. Shift your focus to possibility!
Zoom way out and look at the big picture. What kind of life do you want? What kind of person do you want to be?
WHO do you want to be?
To zoom out on the big picture, view divorce as an opportunity for a rebirth. You and God have the opportunity to recreate you! Consider who you want to be now.
Who do you want to be when this darkness ends? What adjectives do you want to desribe you? What activities do you want to do? Who do you want to spend time with? What job do you want to have? What do you want your body to look like and be able to do? Where do you want to live, work, and travel? What kind of relationships do you want with your kids, your parents, your friends, your ex, and others? What message do you want strangers to get when they pass you on the street?
Ask yourself who you want to be when the darkness ends and begin putting that picture together. For now, don’t worry about defining the steps that will take you there or how realistic those dreams seem. Allow yourself to dream.
Many questions will keep you stuck in “normal” at best, but you deserve to move beyond normal! Tough questions ask you to look beyond and dream! They may not be easy or normal, but visualizing answers to those questions presents new dreams and brings you closer to who you were created to be when your darkness ends.
The question is, will you settle for normal or will you ask God to help recreate you into the person you are meant to be?
For more on creating the person you want to be when your darkness ends, sign up for my newsletter. Every Saturday morning, I’ll send a short, encouraging video to your inbox. This Saturday, I’ll be talking about Who You Will Be When Your Darkness Ends.
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